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[wiccecraft]

	Friendr
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	» Age: 18 » Seeking: friendships » Preferences: sexy furniture » Interests: following rules, brooding over my dark & mysterious past, carrying the world on my shoulders » Bio: i'm basically sentient cardboard but at least i've got killer abs
	base code by photosynthesis
	Caleb Danvers
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[ This profile is entirely the fault of Caleb's arch-enemy but not really stealing his phone. ]

Comments

3/3

[bastardofipswich]

anyway i had a plan going. you know that right? if i ACTUALLY had to hang out with all of you longer than i already had i would've hung myself from boredom

[wiccecraft]

What's that Pinocchio?

[bastardofipswich]

are you serious?

I TRIED TO KILL YOU.

that's not code for "i really wanna be friends, guys!!!!"

[wiccecraft]

No but it is code for 'I'm desperate for a fix'.

It's the way you acted when you weren't actively trying to kill me that I'm talking about.

Also you kissed me. Wtf was that?

[bastardofipswich]

you just looked so cute lying on your back ;)

[wiccecraft]

Ew, Chase.

Could've asked first.

[bastardofipswich]

because you totally would've said yes? i didn't think getting thrown across the room would turn you on

[wiccecraft]

Because it's uncool and rapey to kiss a person without their permission.

We're not talking about my turn-ons. We have to be real friends for that.

[bastardofipswich]

[ THIS IS MAKING HIM UNCOMFORTABLE (even though he totally did need to be called out on that, because seriously Chase, gross) SO HE'S GONNA DODGE. ]

why are you fixating on that instead of the part where i tried to kill you?

[wiccecraft]

[ TOO BAD IT'S MAKING CHASE UNCOMFORTABLE. TOO BAD. ]

Because I know why you tried to kill me, I know the real reason not just bravado bullshit.

[bastardofipswich]

you think you know me so well

we're practically strangers. you know that, right?

[wiccecraft]

Whose fault is that?

[bastardofipswich]

daddy's :,(

[wiccecraft]

Yeah well one presumes he was a jerk.

Look can you just honestly promise not to kiss me anymore without asking first?

[bastardofipswich]

it was a one time thing. to fuck with you. so why would i do it again anyway?

[wiccecraft]

If you don't plan on doing it again then it should be an easy promise right?

[bastardofipswich]

and here i assumed it was covered under our truce and we didn't NEED to pinky swear on it

[wiccecraft]

You're avoiding.

[bastardofipswich]

oh my GODDDD

OKAY

FINE

I'LL SUPER DUPER PINKY PROMISE IT IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP LECTURING ME

[wiccecraft]

Oh my god this is like...8th grade level lecture, really?

You can't just promise to do it because it's the right thing to do?

[bastardofipswich]

no??? i'm not making a promise because it's stupid pointless and meaningless. because get this: I WASN'T PLANNING ON KISSING YOU AGAIN

[ AS MUCH AS HE TOTALLY THINKS ABOUT IT. ]

so i'm not gonna bark because you tell me to 'speak'

got it?

[wiccecraft]

[ UGH why is this so difficult? He just wanted a promise so he could not feel skeevy about that one kiss and maybe stop obsessing about it. ]

That's not what I was trying to do and I'm sorry that it sounded that way.

It would mean something to me though. Consider it dropped.

[bastardofipswich]

[ SCREW YOU, CALEB. You're not getting a response.

...

Okay, maybe he comes back to this like, an hour later. ]

fine, i promise

2/2

[bastardofipswich]

[ EXCEPT...

Caleb made him feel a feeling, and he REALLY HATES THAT, so he adds: ]

i promise not to traumatize you by kissing you again, which is obviously way worse than everything else i did to you and your friends

next time i'll just stab you with a shard of glass!

[wiccecraft]

LOOK YOU ASSHOLE. If I thought I could make you promise not to try to kill me or curse Sarah or be less of a dick to her or just be less of a dick, in general, I would've tried that already. A pact of mutual non-destruction, that's what our truce boils down to, really, and it SUCKS because you like being a dick TOO FUCKING MUCH to handle anything real and I DON'T WANT TO BE KISSED IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE SOME KIND OF STUPID HOMOPHOBIC JOKE AT MY OWN EXPENSE BECAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. I'm bi you massive dipshit and I take a lot of offense at that whole fucking week but I don't expect you to feel sorry for any of it.

If I end up in therapy here over your bullshit I'm charging your smug ass for it, best believe.